link : How Missing Her Salah Affected Her Marriage and How She Got Back Up and Turned to Allah Again
How Missing Her Salah Affected Her Marriage and How She Got Back Up and Turned to Allah Again
Assalamualaykum/Dear Admin,
Many thanks for publishing my confession. I hope that my story can benefit many women out there spiritually, mentally and most important emotionally. I am just trying to help some women out there who are suffering from marriage turmoil. Reminders benefits the believers
Im almost reaching my 30s (Still considered young I guess ) I happily got married in 2015. At that time, I was still rather new in transforming myself religiously. I started wearing the hijab, I started praying again and my Imaan level was as high as Mount Everest, literally. Everything seems flowery and wonderful. I thought I had an almost perfect life. 1 year into the marriage, me and my ex-husband moved into our new house. Alhamdulillah. I was staying with my parents previously.
After starting to live together, I started to feel an emptiness inside me. Something was missing.I was unhappy.Yes, we went for holidays a lot together but deep inside I felt empty. I felt like the spark was not there anymore in our relationship. No affection. Let alone intimacy. Both of us were so busy with work commitments. We get back home at night time everyday from work especially since I moved to my new department recently. I felt miserable at one point. I was trying to figure out what went wrong. Why do I feel empty and unhappy? I kept quiet and told myself that this is just one of the hurdles of marriage especially being only 1 year into the marriage .Well, we always hear from people that 1-3 years of marriage life is the toughest and most challenging period right as that is the time you are just starting to get used and getting to know the true colours of your spouse,adapting,adjusting and understanding each others characters and behaviours. We had some ups and downs in the first few months of our marriage.But eventually, things got back to normal for a while.
I was hoping and expecting a lot from him to make me happy (Which is wrong.And I just realised it now). Not financially ,but you know those things husbands normally do to their wives (Manja2, kiss, hugging cuddling, etc)but I didnt get that. But its normal to expect those things from your spouse isnt it? Was it too much to ask? Most of the time I had to initiate it. At one point, I felt like hes not into me anymore and I could not figure out why. He was not like this before we moved to our new house. I was expecting and expecting and continued feeling unhappy. I did try to talk to him about it,but he gave the same reason everytime, Im tired. Work is really getting into me. I had to just accept it and be patient. I let it go as I do not want to argue about it.
Months went by, all I was feeling was just stress and stress on daily basis. I would come home from work and cry almost everyday.The stress is just too much.Who can stand coming back late form work every day?Both of us are working in the corporate world.So that says a lot.But thats the reality of life especially when both husband and wife needs to earn nowadays knowing that the cost of living today is super high. When weekends comes, all you want to do is just lie down on the couch,watch TV and relax. Of course, that wasnt the only thing I did on weekends. We dont have kids together so by right we should have more time to spend together right? Yet, we never really spent time alone together.Like I said, the spark was not there anymore. He was not into me that much and none of us did anything about it.
We both had weaknesses and made mistakes throughout our marriage, but the worst part is we didnt discuss with each other on how to improve or fix it. One of the most important thing in a marriage is COMMUNICATION. You need to talk and discuss with your spouse if you are unhappy or unsatisfied with each other. Keeping to yourself and keeping quiet will only eat yourself up and makes things worst.
One day, something triggered. I made a mistake. He refused to fix the problem (Well there were other problems too that we had previously) and he left me.He packed and took all of his belongings and left the house.We got a divorce in a matter of weeks.It happened so fast. No proper discussion and confrontation.No mercy.No IHSAAN.Nothing.He made his own decision and quickly left me.It was not a mutually agreed decision. I do not want to explain further on how he divorce me as I do not want to cause disgrace to him.I do not want to mention on his weaknesses as well here as I still respect him even though he is not my husband anymore.When I was still in my Iddah, I tried to communicate with him and discuss for a proper closure if he really doesnt want to proceed with the marriage anymore.U know, having an adult conversation and end it in a good way.However, it failed. Whatever means that I was trying to communicate with him, no reply or response given. He was very cold hearted and ran away from me and our problem instantly.After I finished my Iddah, I received an SMS from him which is his last goodbye. Yes, via SMS. An end to a marriage via SMS.sigh. He had already blocked my number,whatsapp and all means of communication during that time.
It was the most painful and hurtful moment of my life and at one point I thought I would despair and lose hope. As I started to think and reflect on myself, I realized that the emptiness I felt was because of an obligation that I didnt do as a Muslim: PRAYER/SALAH. Honestly, everyday I will miss lots of Salah.Most of the time, I will not pray Maghrib and Isyak (The time when I get home from work). I realized that I havent been performing the 5 times obligatory prayer which is the biggest mistake I have made in my life. As a Muslim we all know that we have to perform the 5x daily prayers and the impact of not doing it is disastrous. But I guess I was ignorant. Even when I didnt pray, no one was there to remind or advice me (Not even my ex husband). I lost my Imaan along the way. And the reason why this happened was because of the tricks of Shaytaan.
How shaytaan tricks us is that it whispers to us that it is ok to not do it or delay doing it because we can repent later on.And this works best towards good people not bad people.Everyday it will whisper to us till we dont feel guilty of not doing it anymore.And when I used to not pray every single day, it led me to perform wrong acts towards others especially my husband. I didnt realize that I was disobeying most importantly Allah the Almighty.Sisters (and brothers too) please remember that missing your salah even 1x a day will definitely make you closer to shaytaan and make you act wrongly and even commit a sin. Never ever take it for granted!It is the first thing that will be asked on the day of resurrection. I have learnt my lesson through the hard way.Yes, the divorce was a wake up call from Allah for me to return back to HIM and be closer to HIM again.As time goes by, I realize that it is actually a blessing in disguise.I fell astray for a long time and HE woke me up. No one could help me to guide me in increasing my Imaan(again, not even my ex husband). I had this hope that he could guide me as I married a religious guy who prays 5x a day and reads the Quran. However, I was wrong. It was only Allah that showed me that is Him that I should solely turn to and depend on. Only Allah can save you, heal you and guide you to the straight path. Most importantly, only Allah can give you that eternal HAPPINESS and contentment and peace in your heart. Allah is Al Wadud,(The Loving), Al Ghaffar (The Great Forgiver) Al Rahim (The Merciful), Al Rahman(The Beneficent) and Al Jabbar (The Compeller). If one really dig deep on the meaning of these names, Masyaallah you would cry out of tears knowing HIS love and warmth towards us. Im mentioning a few of the names among many others (the 99 names) as these few characteristics of Allah is related to my what Im going through.
Raya this year is my first year as a divorcee. And I had to face a lot of my relatives and answering them.Its a phase that all divorcees have to go through. Eventually, I know I will get used to it and be ok with it. I just have to keepremindingmyself that:
1)Allah will not burden you beyond what you can bear
2)Allah will replace what was taken away from you with something better
3)Allahs love, mercy and forgiveness towards you is endless and limitless. No matter how much you sinned or made mistakes, indeed he forgives ALL sins
4)You are stronger than you can ever imagine
5)Channel your worry and grief to Allah only. Make HIM your 1st priority. He is your #1 love
6)Never stop making dua.
7)Make lots of tawbaah and Istighfar. Read the Quran. Pray Tahajjud
8)Surround yourself with people who will bring you closer to Allah
9)Attend Islamic talks and classes (of course with the right scholar and teachings.Be careful of this)
10)Make Jannatul Firadus your goal in life. Prioritize akhirah over Dunya. Dunya is just temporary
Please make dua for me and all Muslims going through hardships. May Allah grant be a righteous and better spouse one day InsyaAllah. Jazakallah Khayr
Anonymous
Sumber & Kredit: iiumc
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